Caregiver Stress is a Real Problem!
By Daniel E. Wimer, RN - Professional Life Coach
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” Chinese Proverb
We live longer and we have spread out across the world. In America, the nuclear family is not the norm now. There was a time that you lived in your local community, grew up, raised your family, and died there within 25 miles of your birthplace. When the age of 40 was considered old, and the century was the first half of 20th, before 1940, you took care of your own through the extended family that lived with, or near, you to help with the burdens of giving care to those in need. The Amish still live this way, but for the most part, we have moved away from our friends and family. More importantly, we lose our natural support group, our family. When we have no stress relievers, it causes a conditioned known as “burn out.” You have to lighten up the load to prevent major burnout. Many times it’s easy to overlook just how tired, frustrated or angry someone is when they are buried in the dozens of day to day tasks required of primary caregivers. Stress is an occupational given in caring for another. This report is to designed to help you spot the danger signs when you have done too much for too long and do not have enough energy to help anyone, including yourself.
To be a Caregiver is to provide financial, relational, physical, spiritual, or emotional support to someone who is unable to live independently like:
Ø newborns or small children
Ø those recovering from an injury or illness
Ø aging loved ones
Ø anyone facing a terminal illness
Ø those who are disabled in some way (physically, mentally, emotionally)
This just about covers parents and people from all walks of life and all ages. We want to you to understand the dangers of being a ‘good Samaritan’ and find out how to avoid the often overwhelming stress that can come as a being compassionate parent, adult child, or primary caregiver.
Caretakers provide a level of compassionate service in need, often for a fee or salary of some kind. Nurses, teachers, doctors, counselors, or pastors and rabbis, yet at the end of their day, it is their job and they get paid to do it. It’s important work, often tiring, but not overwhelming enough to create compassion fatigue because there are defined duties, reasonable expectations , as well a defined hours of service.
Caregivers do the same work, but often with greater intensity. They often give and give expecting nothing in return; that is often why they run out of energy and experience burnout. Caregivers do the same work as the caretakers but they work for love and/or compassion for the person in need. It can get very stressful, very fast because you cannot do everything all the time without it leading to caregiver stress. My friend, Dwight Bain, with his friend, June Hunt, has some hints for knowing that you are experiencing caregiver stress, which blocks healthy relationships.
The Caregiver Stress Checklist
In asking yourself these questions, honestly assess your feelings to determine if it could be time to seek professional help to overcome caregiver stress.
v Am I easily agitated with those I love?
v Am I becoming more critical of others?
v Am I having difficulty laughing or having fun?
v Am I turning down most invitations to be with others?
v Am I feeling depressed about my situation?
v Am I feeling hurt when my efforts are unnoticed?
v Am I resentful when other family members are not helping?
v Am I feeling trapped by all the responsibilities?
v Am I being manipulated?
v Am I missing sleep and regular exercise?
v Am I too busy for quiet time with God?
v Am I feeling guilty when I take time for myself?
Warning Signs of Caregiver Stress:
Physically - exhausted and worn out
Emotionally - resentful, stressed, and bitter
Financially - overwhelmed or depleted
Is it right to care for those in need or have compassion for those who are hurting? The answer is a resounding YES! Of course it is. Caring can help you to feel better about yourself, and rightly so. Caring is important – but there are some hidden dangers if you care too much.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
There is no better example of being a compassionate caregiver than the timeless story taught by Jesus about the Good Samaritan. Jesus showed that the person who really showed love for his neighbor was not the most religious, or the best educated, nor even from the same culture; rather the one who showed the greatest compassion was the only one who fulfilled the great commandment to ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
The point here is that the Good Samaritan is a caretaker rather a caregiver. He assembled a team of helpers. When we are a part of a team, we have more resources at hand, emotional, spiritual, time, and help. You can rest and get a break from care giving so that you have more energy to help others. If you are exhausted, you are no good to others.
Self Care comes First
Dwight Bain wrote about his experiences at Ground Zero with Chaplin Max Helton after 9/11/01 in New York City. Dwight says that he learned from him a great process in dealing with overwhelming situations:
“First, focus on ‘self-care’ then ‘buddy-care’ and finally ‘other care’. This way you can protect your own energy, help others facing the same caregiving challenges, and then together be much stronger and more focused on how to better serve others. It can be done, but it can’t be done alone. God designed us to work together in partnership with others….basically anyone could be in a situation of being a caregiver, but remember the principle do not go it alone. Let others help you.” (Emphasis mine)
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness-it’s a sign of being human
We as humans, tend to go it alone and hate asking for help as if it is shameful to do so. We should be fully armored against all problems. The fact is we need help and that is what friends and family do. Caregiver stress comes on gradually, it creeps up on you and sooner rather than later it eats your energy and you hope. You are not alone. There is help in your community, such as National Family Caregivers Association, your church, and neighbors.
How to prevent being so full of “care” that you can’t care for yourself
According to Dwight there are seven things you can do to help you to care for yourself:
1. Be aware of the common stress signals that come with being a caregiver
__irritability or moodiness
__feeling of resentment
__loss of sleep or feeling frequently exhausted
__increased susceptibility to colds and flu
__feeling guilty about taking time for yourself
2. Be aware of the pressure of caregiving and that it builds over time
3. Be aware that as caregiving goes up, additional coping skills should go up too
4. Be aware of your own needs and don’t be afraid to ask for help
5. Be aware of the resources around you, and be willing to take a respite
6. Be aware that sometimes you need to just sit on the floor and laugh or cry
7. Be aware that caregiving is hard work and often times you may want to quit, yet it is still one of the most loving acts of Servant Leadership
Now go and do good!
Afterword
I want to thank Dwight Bain for his support and help with this article, which contains many of his thoughts. His is the founder of www.LifeWorksGroup.org.
Reprint Permission-If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family, or post it on your own or blog. Just leave intact and do not alter this in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from D.E.Wimer, RN and Associates, inc. (copyright@ 2009 by D.E.Wimer, RN and Associates, inc. in Florida 813-997-6564)”
About the Author-Daniel “Dan” Wimer is dedicated to helping you achieve the maximum results in your personal and professional life. He is a Registered Nurse with over 20 years of experience in Psychiatric Nursing, and Professional Life Coach, with a BA in Psychology. Dan is a Communicator and a member of the National Speaker Association of Central Florida. Dan is a “3 Time Stroke Survivor” who specializing in motivational survival skills for business and individuals. His blog is Daniel Wimer -Professional Life Coach.
